All Things Must Change

We go through many stages in life. We take many lessons and we grow up. When one stage is over we seldom feel sorry or regretful. We easily accept moving from being the children of our parents to grown ups, from students to non-students. We change works and if the reasons for this change is well understood we easily move on. Deep inside we know that the experience this stage brought into our lives is complete and there is nothing more to be taken out of it. We feel change means life and we move on.

Somehow this seldom happens when that stage in life is about an intimate relationship. We feel sad that we didn’t “live happily ever after”, we feel we “failed” and even that we’ll have to try again, as if one could try the same relationship again, even with the same people. When we are in love we feel it will last “forever” because it makes us feel good and why would we give up anything which makes us feel so good. But then it starts not to feel so good, these good and bad times start to alternate and sometimes there comes a time to see this is not the relationship which will carry us happily ever after. There are two possible reactions to the fact of an ending relationship.

It seems the most common reaction is to feel sad, failed, somehow desperate, accusing the other and oneself. This is the dark side of the coin and for some people it seems as necessary as the ecstasy of being in love; it’s a kind of detox-retox process. Some claim that if you cry it all out it can be easier to move on, and some like to drawn their sorrow in alcohol.

The second possible reaction is accepting what is happening. This is of course much easier said than done. Especially in the case of the death of a loved one, sorrow is always the first on stage first and acceptance only comes after some time. The “loosing” of a loved one through separation is in some situations felt like loosing through death. But there is a big big difference. If we can take hold of the sorrow stage and not give in to feeling failed or become accusative, there is a good chance that we can be close friends. After all who else knows more about you than “ex”? Ok, you may have had many different opinions which eventually separated you but, you very well know that some of your best friends are those who challenge your beliefs and ideas, and there are those aspects that kept you as a couple so long and some are not necessarily for couples. Now you have one more good friend; maybe it’s not that bad.

A relationship teaches us a lesson and has a course to complete. I recently read a research study about aging. It says, today it seems like there are far more separations through divorce, then there were separations in the past but that is not the case. In fact the percentage of married couples still together after 15-20 years hasn’t changed much. It’s just that in the past people would die younger and the marriage would hardly ever had a chance to last many decades. Today we have longer relationships, a longer life and more separations. Perhaps even the strongest relationships can only last that much as long as people involved can release themselves from artificial bonds.

I daresay I’ve learned a lot from each of my relationships and I wouldn’t wish to be in any of them still. Life is change and all things must come to an end. I’m very happy to have made friends with most of my ex-girlfriends. I feel they understand me better than most other people.

So these days I can’t really say if Adam is sad or happy because there is a bit of both. Adam and Eve broke up and because Adam had dreamt of being together longer and doing many things together, he’s a bit sad. But on the other hand they talked and reasoned that their togetherness as a couple has completed it’s course. Holding on to it wouldn’t serve either of them and they separated in a very sweet way. They are good friends now. And this makes Adam very happy because he still loves Eve. So this change of season is not like death but more like rebirth. After all, all things must change.

Sunrise doesn't last all morning
A cloudburst doesn't last all day
Seems my love is up and has left you with no warning
It's not always going to be this gray
All things must pass
All things must pass away

Sunset doesn't last all evening
A mind can blow those clouds away
After all this, my love is up and must be leaving
It's not always going to be this gray

All things must pass
All things must pass away

All things must pass
None of life's strings can last
So, I must be on my way
And face another day

Now the darkness only stays the night-time
In the morning it will fade away
Daylight is good at arriving at the right time
Its not always going to be this gray

All things must pass
All things must pass away

"All Things Must Pass" by George Harrison